I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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