i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
