make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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