I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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