I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
