i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
