apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
