my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
