is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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