i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
