i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
