forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
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