Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
