I'm so fucking centered right now
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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