hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
