Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
