you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
