Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
