If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I can't turn off my feet"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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