Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
