We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
