if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
