My pussy is not your playground.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
