did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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