why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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