i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
