We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
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He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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