Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
