so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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