So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
