Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
