your room smells of hookers.
And success
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
