I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
this beer tastes like vomit already
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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