when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
