Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
