just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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