don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My penis needs a shock collar
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
