Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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