imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
