just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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