At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
