Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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