I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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