he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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