my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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