why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
