Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
