You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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