This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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