I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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