Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
