I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
