Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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