please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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