he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Let's paint friendship bongs
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
