Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
