Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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