cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
