I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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