You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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