She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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