Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
