after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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