tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
