dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
everyone is single if you try hard enough
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
